The Marx Bros. Meet the Three Stooges

I wrote this a couple of years ago, frustrated by the fantasy battles of celebrities and/or fictional characters on the web. My point was that a crossover needn't be a confrontation. I put it here to preserve it, and maybe take credit for it.

***

Scenario: The Marxes must break up a swank party, and are in the basement when
the Stooges show up.)

MOE: You call for some plumbers?

CHICO: No, we-a-no call for plumbers.

CURLY: That's okay. We're not plumbers, anyway!

(Moe runs a hacksaw across Curly's skull)

CURLY: WHOA!, Oh, look!

(The hacksaw blade is ruined. Groucho grabs the blade from Moe.)

GROUCHO: Say, you ought to be ashamed of yourself, ruining a perfectly good
hacksaw like that. Now, why don't you boys get to work?

LARRY: But nothing's broken!

GROUCHO: Don't worry, that won't last.

CHICO: Hey, boss! You think-a maybe they need some help?

(Harpo nods yes enthusiastically)

GROUCHO: Yes, and for agreeing with you, I think maybe I might need help.

LARRY(TO CHICO): You can help me. You know anything about water mains?

CHICO: Sure, I know-a all about waterma'ns. You just gotta spit out the seeds
while you eat 'em.

MOE: Well, we're not gonna get nothin' done 'less' we get some more tools!

(Groucho motions towards Harpo.)

GROUCHO: You kidding? My associate here is like Sears & Roebuck with a bad
haircut!

(Harpo opens his jacket, and a pile of tools come tumbling out.)

MOE: Oh, Boy! Super service!

(Curly looks at the pile in frustration)

CURLY (TO HARPO): This ain't no good! We need something to unclog those pipes!

(Harpo nods knowingly and produces a stick of TNT. Curly reacts in shock)

CURLY: Are you nuts!?

(Harpo looks chastized, then brightens up and produces a bigger stick of TNT, much to Curly's delight)

CURLY: Now, that's more like it! Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk!

(They all start working on the pipes except Groucho, who turns to the audience
and wags his eyebrows.)

GROUCHO: This oughta be good.

The not-quite Year in Review

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/10414362/site/newsweek/

Newsweek has just released its ten best movies of 2005, at least three weeks short of the actual end of 2005, that's about 6% short of a full year.

I'll admit a lot of these critics get to see movies early, but is it wrong to ask that they actually wait for the year to be over before they review it?

And it's not just movies - all media looks back at things before they end. The obvious reason is that once the year actually does end, no one wants to hear about it.

So I actually have to give credit to the Oscars. That they actually wait until the year is over (and then wait a couple of months more) is one of the few things in their favor.

Christmas Songs That Don't Actually Mention Christmas

Frosty the Snowman
Jingle Bells
Let it Snow
Sleigh Bells
Winter Wonderland

I've always wondered about songs like these that have become de facto Christmas Songs even though they don't actually mention or reference Christmas. They're all about snow and winter. (The Frosty TV Special was very Christmas themed, but the song came first.)

I asked my Mother about this when I was young, and she replied, "I guess any song about winter has to be a Christmas song, because by the time Christmas is over, no one wants to hear about winter."

Can you think of any others?

No-Thankyouverymuch

Sorry this is horizontal. I can't figure out how to edit the photo to get it right. But it's Elvis, and contrary to popular opinion, he's been horizontal for a couple of decades anyway.

This story from last month (http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/c/a/2005/10/26/MNG62FE3821.DTL) made me think about the Elvis impersonator we ran into on our honeymoon in Vegas.

You see, this is either "street performing" or "aggressive panhandling" depending on how you look at it. People go to tourist spots dressed in colorful costumes, then charge people money for photographs.

Myself, I agree with the "aggressive panhandling" definition. How can you expect people to pay for taking your picture when you're in a public place? (Especially as in the story above, where foreign-speaking tourists allegedly got the shakedown from people in masks.)

This Elvis guy was doing just that, all friendly and even in-your-face solicitous until someone raised a camera without forking over some green, whereupon he'd cover his face.

Trouble with this guy's shtick, though, is that a picture of "Elvis" is actually just as entertaining if he covers his face. (As in, "Can't let that reporter from the 'Weekly World News' know I'm still alive.")